Hello readers. Time for another McStory. This story finds us entrenched in the world of corporate America. I will leave the time frame a bit ambiguous to help hide those who may have been party to this particular adventure.
Many years ago we find our young McShea fresh to the world of cubicles and TPS Reports. Finding friendship in one of the attractive women he worked with he passed his time between reports and database entry with jokes and mild flirting through the use of internet instant messaging. This helped keep his spirits up on days that amounted to 8 hours of data entry.
After months of getting to know his co-worker and feeling rather safe in his flirting, (a skill that he had no doubt inherited from his father), he happened to notice his friend in her cube getting up to stretch. Catching his eye, as she stretched, he noticed that her top came up a bit and sight of the beautiful midwestern whale tail had broken surface from her pants (that's a thong for those who might be confused). Pleased that he had been privy to such an underwear sighting at work, he considered if he should flirt a bit more than usual today and point out that her black underwear was riding up a bit higher than she had no doubt planned. Feeling as though he could do no wrong, our young hero decided to IM his coworker and start up a conversation about her recently visible underwear.
"Hey ZXY, you may want to be more careful when you stretch, your thong was showing" he typed as flirtatious as he could.
Strangely, her reply to him wasn't instant so he wondered if he had possibly gone to far. After what seemed to be an extra minute or two from her standard reply, he received the following reply:
"Two things:" she typed.
"1. I'm not wearing a thong, so what the hell are you talking about?" she continued on..
"2. More importantly, I'm a married woman and we are at work, why are you staring at my ass, this sounds like something that needs to be brought up with Human Resources"
……………. <- This is my grammatical representation of my heart stopping.
I'm not sure of the sound of one's rectum closing so tight that it could crush coal but, I promise you, ZXY's IM response to our young hero caused that sound to occur in his cube.
Unsure if he was going to have a job in the next few hours, our young McShea quickly IM'd his friend (who no longer worked with him) and explained what had just happened and how he had probably, just ended his career before it even started.
After explaining the full story his friend could only muster the following response via IM "You are F'd man." Wow, thanks for the pick up, buddy.
Not sure what to do next, our young hero took a few deep breaths and finally built up the courage to peek out of his cube to see what his soon to be sexual harassment accuser was doing, our hero looked around the corner and noticed that ZXY was doing everything she could to hold in her laughter. She noticed him looking and couldn't contain her laughter anymore… letting out a solid belly laugh he finally realized that she had been playing him the whole time…..
Messaging her, he sent the following "Were you screwing with me?" She responded "Of course, I had to give you a hard time and the look on your face when I sent that was completely worth it."
So let this be a lesson to my readers. Anytime you think you have the upper hand with a woman… reevaluate your position, because you are looking at the picture upside down.