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Speed Bump

Our story finds us late in the evening / early in the morning on the campus of Franklin College in the early Spring of 1997. Myself and a friend from Purdue University were visiting a High School buddy who was attending the College and a member of one of the local fraternities. Having showed up as ambassadors of goodwill from our respective Big Ten Universities, we were quickly invited to join in a round of "speed quarters". For those not familiar with the game I will spare you the rules but share with you the following. For losing a round of "Speed Quarters", you drink heavily. For winning a round of "Speed Quarters", you drink heavily.

While playing the game, a number of girls from the College showed up at the fraternity house and started to take part in the game as well. Now I'm not one to brag but, we've played enough quarters that I don't miss very often and speed quarters is a game that allows you to basically send the drinks in the direction that you want them to go.

After quite a few rounds of the game my two buddies and myself decided to take the two girls we had met to the local Waffle & Steak as one of the young ladies wanted to leave the fraternity house and was asking for us all to go get something to eat. Unable to drive a nail, yet alone a vehicle, the ambassadors from the Big Ten relied on their host who hadn't been drinking to pilot the party safely to W&S. The first problem with this plan was that myself and my buddy had arrived in Franklin in one of the smallest cars of the late 90's, leaving us with very little room. This version was the "Race Car" of drivable matchbox cars. This was a two door vehicle that comfortably seated one. After we had tightly packed everyone into the sardine can, we hurried our way to the restaurant and along the way, I noticed the other ambassador was starting to fair very poorly, displaying the sleepy eyed look that often caught up to him after excessive drinking.

Pulling into the Waffle & Steak parking lot, there was quite a bit of confusion as the girls were in a hurry to disembark from the car and my buddy who was driving the car was displeased with his parking job as he was not use to driving this vehicle. In the middle of all this and fighting the fog of drunkenness my fellow ambassador had stumbled out of the car but, as he was also not use to being in the passengers side of his car, he got his feet tangled up in the seatbelt or and found himself somewhat helpless on the ground with his leg outstretched under the vehicle. Normally this would not have been an issue but, as he was unaware of what was happening, our driver started to correct his parking job by backing up and in the process running over the leg of our fallen comrade.

It's at this point the girls started screaming.. loudly…and I mean loudly.. as they explained to the driver what had happened in shrieks and screams, he quickly put the car in drive, and moved forward off of our colleagues leg. Quickly we all jumped out of the car assuming we would find my friends leg in multiple pieces or at least with a cartoon like tire track on it with a portion of it being about 1" thick. Fortunately, as I pointed out earlier, we were literally in a matchbox car so it was more like being run over by a large moped. His leg was definitely injured and he had squeezed his calf muscle in a way that caused it to appear somewhat flat.

While this examination was going on one of the girls continued to scream and yell for an ambulance. Aware that any sort of emergency vehicle would require additional explanation my buddy calmly grabbed the girl by the shoulders, shook her, and told her to "Calm the F down". Bringing the hysterics under control and realizing a small crowd was forming at the inside window of Waffle and Steak, we decided it was best to jump back in the car and get the hell out of the situation. The girls wanted no part of this plan so we told them that even though we appreciated their opinions we really were pressed for time so rather than work it out, we would let them resolve their way home without us. With that, we left them at W&S and drove out with our wounded warrior in tow…

So let this be a lesson… If you find yourself at Waffle & Steak at 2am.. You have probably made a number of bad decisions to find yourself there. Please don't make anymore, like backing up on your buddies leg in the parking lot.

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